For the past few months I’ve been indifferent about my feelings. I’m not one for personal blog entries, I’m not one for sharing my feelings in ways that aren’t criptic (unless of course you’re one of my close friends, and in that case you’re about ready for me to shut up now). I like to avoid conflict, and I like other people to be happy, even if it means me not. Its just less awkward and seems more rewarding.
Recently, I’ve learned something: It doesn’t matter how happy someone else is, if you’re not, it will eat you up inside.
This weekend, something happened that turned my whole world upside down leading me to finally face how truely unhappy I really was. As a result, I ended my relationship.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. How do you explain to someone that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them or the way they treat you? How do you tell someone you understand things look ok on the surface, but whats inside your heart simply does not match? He didn’t do anything wrong, and yet I couldn’t bring myself to love him anywhere near as much as he loved me. Staying with him wouldn’t have been fair to either one of us.
I’m a tough girl to please. I always have been. I wrote it off as a problem with myself and let things keep going because there was nothing on the surface wrong. It ended up driving me mad and making me miserable.
I’m too young, too scatter brained, too busy with too many big dreams to tie myself down in something that doesn’t make me smile.
I wish him all the best, but all the best isn’t with me.
I know exactly how you feel. EXACTLY. Although I am currently in love with my boyfriend, I do put his feelings first and try to make him happy even though its not what I want all the time. I think women just care more, and its our downfall =[. Hope things get better!!!
you know you can always vent to me. haha i was your partner in crime that weekend so its only fair for me to listen to it all
you did what was right. you knew it would hurt him. but you cant stay with someone and feel the way you did.
Wow. I know this is hard, but good for you. I was with my ex for 3 years and I did the same thing. You need to be with someone that makes you feel like the best version of yourself. And I love the quote you share about being happy – that is so true – I think as women, we need to stop always focusing on others, and start focusing more on ourselves and our own happiness. Hang in there girl – if that is what your gut told you to do, you are doing the right thing.
I did this over a year ago. It got to a point when I realised that I didn’t even put myself before him anymore. I decided to be selfish and do what’s best for me. It’s best for him too because it’ll just get harder and harder as time goes on. x